I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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