i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I did not marry a roomba.
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