cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
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I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
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I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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