A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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