i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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