We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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