just come out here and I will go home with you...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
false alarm, still single
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize