She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
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Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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