I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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