I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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