I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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