At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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