I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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