I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
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