Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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