I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
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im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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