Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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