I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize