the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize