this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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