Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
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I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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