It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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