I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize