i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize