I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My vagina just clenched in fear
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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