I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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