So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
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Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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