i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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