Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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