why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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