Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize