"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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