This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
