Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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