some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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