Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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