..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize