To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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