I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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