I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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