I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize