the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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