i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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