he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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