Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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