Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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