Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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