just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
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you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
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Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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