Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize