You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
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I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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